Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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