pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
