You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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