So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
