Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize