I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize