I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
