I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize