i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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