Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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