I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
