You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
