I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
