i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
