id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
