grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
