VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
