I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
