well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
