When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize