Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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