don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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