She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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