so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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