just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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