Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
