have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
