um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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