Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
