im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
