i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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