Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
