just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
