went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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