who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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