Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
