Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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