Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
