I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize