The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
