Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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