Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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