Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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