I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
