just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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