We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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