In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize