Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
