She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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