Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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