I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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