I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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