I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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