I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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