There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
