someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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