He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize