She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
