i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think my fart just growled at me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
