This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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