my vag is so smooth its legendary
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
