How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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