What a fucking waste of an outfit
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
