Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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