Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I booty called her while she was in labor.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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