Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
