he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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