I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
