Sry I called you an 8
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
