are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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