my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
