I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
