I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
