Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
